My Everyday Mystic by Jan Puta: blog for the soul

How is your shadow child feeling today? What does she want? What does he need?

Our shadow self has been with us since our childhood, and yet few us know that part of ourselves.

This part of ourselves doesn’t go away with scolding or neglect, because that’s what gives it its power. The shadow self is the closet, the trap door where we store all our repressed thoughts and feelings.

Here we chucked our assertiveness and sexuality as children when we were told it was bad to keep on asking for what we wanted, and naughty to be curious about our bodies. This is where we put our self-reliance and justifiable anger when we were taught that someone else was going to take care of us if we just did what we were told, didn’t complain or fight back, even if we were abused.

In the spiritual allegory, “Make Room for the Dark Child: The path of befriending the shadow self,” we learn from the classroom teacher that even young children can be taught how to befriend their shadow self.

No matter how old we are or how long we live, our shadow self is a natural component of our psychological makeup. The more we understand it and make friends with it, the more we harness its power and transmute its energy into healing and wholeness.

As adults, there is a time and place for sexual curiosity, arousal, and passionate romancing. As adults, there are appropriate situations for assertiveness and self-reliance. And for anyone in an abusive relationship, there are safe people to help you get out of that emotional and physical slavery.

Here are some ways to befriend your shadow self and own more of your power:

• Whatever, whoever triggers you, be mindful of what you are feeling and make a short, quick list. Examples: angry, frustrated, etc. You do not have to suppress those negative feelings but you do need to know what they are in order to handle them.

• Write out a short and quick note describing each feeling. Example: I am angry with him because he’s not paying attention to me. I am frustrated with them because no one picks up the phone when I call.

• Reclaim your power of awareness with checking in on your ego and see if you have identified with anyone (Example: If you’re angry with the person whose not paying attention to you, your ego could be “owning” or “identifying” with that person as if you owned him or her. Your ego stakes a claim on people and things. And then your ego gets upset when your stuff is stolen or your friends are getting attention from others.).

Is someone no longer acting like your friend or your spouse? Was something of yours stolen or damaged? Remember that what you have, or own, or do, is not who you are. Come into that place of awareness where you are always whole and complete, and never diminished by any of the people or things in your life, no matter what they do or what happens to them.

• Be gentle with yourself. Consider going into a quiet place for a few minutes where you can get centered and grounded. Imagine that your shadow self is standing or sitting there with you. Say to this part of you, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” See these words bring relief to your shadow self and ease any tension or stress you are feeling.

Try one or more of these techniques and see how this works for you. I’d love to hear from you. Please drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

(For a 6-step discovery process in meeting and working with your shadow self, check out the exercise after chapter 9 in Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker.)

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
Free Preview: Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker