At first it sees like a trivial thing – giving in and doing whatever someone else wants to keep the peace or to make friends. The more you give in, the more they demand. Eventually you find yourself trapped into doing whatever you have to do to be accepted into the gang, the club, or the clique.

Like the characters in the spiritual allegory, “The City of Chains,” you’ll feel like you’ve got chains around your neck, wrist, and ankles. Chains that keep you from saying the things you’d like to share because you think no one will listen to you. Chains that keep you from offering your skills and talents because you’ve heard that there’s always someone out there who will take advantage of you. Chains that keep you from moving ahead because you’re afraid you’ll make a mistake.

And like them, you’ll go on pretending that this is normal and just something to put up with.

Until you see people showing up around you with such freedom, joy, and happiness that you can’t wait to find out what they know that you don’t. They know how to unlock the chains! They know how to regain their self-esteem and personal power.

In the story, the people are told, “Tell me how it feels to have a chain, and I will tell you what your chain is made of. When you know what makes your chain, you will know how to break it.”

This is how you can do that:

• Ask yourself how you feel? Put a name on your negative feelings (anger, abandonment, fear, betrayal, failure, guilt etc)
• Look at how those feelings keep you from speaking about your ideas, sharing your time with others, opening up your life to new experiences.
• Then choose to set yourself free. Create affirmations or empowerment statements that reflect your areas for greatest growth. For example: I give myself permission to share my ideas and value my own creativity. I choose to take on challenges and give them the best I’ve got to offer. I give myself permission to be healed and whole, happy and prosperous.

Have you found a bit of wisdom and support in these suggestions? Please drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker

P.S. If you want to read the story of “The City of Chains,” you can find it in my book, Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker. This link will take you to the order page on my website.

Do you ever feel that you don’t have something worthwhile to say at a meeting or gathering of friends?

Are you afraid that if you would say something, no one would pay attention or actively continue that conversation with you?

Have you ever felt that you had an answer to a question or solution to a problem but couldn’t share it?

Did you feel that someone would say to you, “Who do you think you are?”

Those were the questions I wrote about in the spiritual allegory, “The City of Chains: The path of self-empowerment.” (Chapter 13 in Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker)

Every time you shut down saying your truth, sharing your wisdom, telling others what you think or how you feel, you might as well put a chain and padlock around your neck. That is what happened in the story.

And like in the story, you can get so used to your chains and self-limitations that you forget they are even there.

Take some time and think about this. Think of the different ways you give up your power:

• by not saying what you think or feel because you think no one cares,
• by not taking a risk or challenge because you’re afraid of making a mistake,
• by not stepping out to lead because you feel no one is going to follow you,
• by not offering your best because you’re afraid someone is going to take advantage of you or rip you off.

Now take back your power! Write out for yourself a statement that reminds you to claim for yourself your own power. Here are some examples:

• From this moment on, I claim my right to speak my truth.
• From this moment on, I claim my right to be who I am, and to do whatever I came her to do with my life.
• From this moment on, I claim my right to move forward with ease and grace, and to help create whatever I can to make this a wonderful life for myself and for others.

Sit with that and let it soak it. Taste it. Savor it. Feel the peace it brings. Feel the excitement and energy rise up inside of you. That’s what it feels like when you break the chains of self-limiting beliefs, and experience your personal freedom.

How do you feel after reading this? Have you found some bit of wisdom and support in these suggestions? Please drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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It doesn’t have to be that way! If you’re one of the folks caught too often in the front lines of verbal warfare and its aftermath, there’s help on the way.

Here are three easy and safe ways to help yourself through the chaos and turmoil that may happen around you.

First, be aware of what is happening inside of you because it’s all about you anyway. No one can push your buttons! No one can make you feel anyway you don’t want to feel!

People and situations seem to trigger you, but it’s your free choice to react and respond in any way you want. If you are habitually and instinctively aggressive and intolerant, then look inside and see what’s going on. Your goal here is to learn how to be patient and passive.

Second, breathe and get grounded. Cool down that hot lava screaming through your veins. Listen to the frenzy of thoughts racing through your mind. Do you hear accusations, judgments, and blaming about to leap off the tip of your tongue? Another deep breath and let it go.

What you are experiencing is not rational thinking. This is what it feels like to be under an ego attack – yours! Your ego is feeling threatened, insecure, and losing face somehow in what was just said or done by some one else. Your ego is kicking and fighting to stay on top at all costs. Like I said before, your reactivity is all about you.

Third, begin to make better conscious choices. Look at the ego language trashing around in your brain! Look at the way it’s worked up your body with adrenalin and frayed your feelings with toxic energy.

If you can safely walk away from this situation, then do that. If you need to get help to be safe or to get away safely, then call for help in anyway that works for you. You don’t need a comeback or retaliation. You don’t need to demand an explanation or an apology. Consciously choose to take the higher road of patience and passivity, compassion and kindness.

The oftener you follow these three steps, the closer you will be to raising your consciousness and spiritually evolving out of the ego trap. Can you see yourself giving this a try? How does it feel to have a plan of action? Drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

Would you like to read a spiritual allegory about owning your own feelings and taking charge of your own empowerment? Go to chapter 12, “The Land of Many Labels,” in my book, Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker. You can read the first chapter online and get a feel for this spiritual guidebook at: Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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Each person was missing a heart. In the Healer’s house were many shelves of broken hearts pieced back together, but not yet healed. As the spiritual allegory, “The Healer of Broken Hearts” continues, the Healer teaches them how to mend their hearts.

Now some of you may say, “That makes for a good story, but where am I going to find a Healer who can help me heal my broken heart?”

That may be a lot easier than you think. Let’s start with these three steps:

1. Feel the empty place inside of you. Get in touch with your feelings. Allow yourself to feel the emptiness and the sadness, the loneliness and the fear, the anger and despair if and when it is there. Name it and own it with awareness – no shame, no blame, no judgment. Just be aware of it for what it is.

2. Ask for help from a healer. This may be a minister or a counselor. Consider a best friend or a spiritual teacher. Work with a support group or a network you’re comfortable with. Practice sitting still in meditation, going within, and walking hand in hand with your Higher Self or Spirit. Anyone who can help lead you through the darkness to the other side can be a healer for you, even yourself.

3. Mend your own heart. Before you can be husband or wife, brother or sister, son or daughter, mother or father, you’ve first got to be whole in yourself. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for anything you’ve done or said that hurt someone else. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for any good left undone or unsaid.

Review each of the feelings you named in step #1 and now let them go, knowing that you no longer choose to feel that way. Make a conscious choice to own the opposite of each negative feeling like this:

• “I give myself permission to let go of all my emptiness. I now choose to love and approve of myself.”
• “I give myself permission to let go of all my sadness. I now choose to count the blessings I do have and to feel grateful and fortunate for them.”
• “I give myself permission to let go of all my loneliness. I now choose to remember that I am part of a Divine Plan and came here to make a contribution that no one else can make exactly as I can.”
• “I give myself permission to let go of all my fear. I now choose to trust that I am safe, provided for, and wonderfully guided by an Infinite Wisdom Who has a plan and purpose for me.”
• “I give myself permission to let go of all my anger. I now choose to be compassionate and nonjudgmental, forgiving and patient with others as well as with myself.”
• “I give myself permission to let go of all my despair. I now choose to believe that I get to make my own life experiences and I want to always choose what is kind, peaceful, and loving for myself and for others.”

As the Healer said in the story, “From the sadness in your eyes, I can tell that you are missing your hearts. Without a heart, no one can life a happy life.” The oftener you follow these three ways of mending your own heart, the quicker you will learn how to heal yourself and to be a healer for others.

Drop us a line and share your thoughts about how you find healing for yourself. Who are the healers in your life? How have you been a healer for some one else?

(On this blog, write in the response box below. On Facebook, click on the comment link for the comment box to open up for you.)

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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Have you turned down invitations because you didn’t have someone to go with?

Do you hate to think of holidays when others have families to share with and you don’t?

In my spiritual allegory, “In the Land of Two: the path to solidarity,” I created a land where everybody has somebody to partner with in their lifetime.

However, when a partner dies, the survivor has to leave and not come back until he or she has another partner.

It’s an ironic ending to a story that should symbolize and inspire solidarity with each other, whether partnered or single. But as we know, many times that’s not the way it turns out in the real world.

There’s a lot of truth in it for those of us who find ourselves single. We all want to belong somewhere. None of us want to be left behind.

Personally, there are times I love my solitude and peace and quiet. I relish my privacy and doing things my own way. For me, girl friends show up now and then to invite me out with them or just to visit and talk. And I return the favor and invite them along for a hike on the nature trails, or to call me and do lunch when they are in town again.

That’s the beautiful part about having a free will and being able to choose our own feelings. We can be alone but not lonely. We can be solitary but not sad and depressed. We can be by ourselves but not feel helpless or abandoned. I think it takes a lot of courage and mindfulness to walk by ourselves without buying into the story of a victim.

So the next time you see someone sitting alone at church or at a meeting, go and sit next to them. Smile and maybe even introduce yourself.

Standing in line at the grocery store or the post office? Smile at the folks ahead or behind you. Just acknowledging people is comforting and gracious. No one wants to feel as if they are ignored or dismissed by the folks around them.

I’d love to hear from you on how you walk your journey if you’re single. What are the best times you’ve ever put together for yourself? What do you do to keep yourself from falling into the victim role? What do you do with other singles in your area?

And if you have a wonderful partner in your life, do you know people who are single? And if you do, how do you treat them? What place do they have in your life?

To leave your comments, look for the “leave a response” area below, and write your message in the box provided.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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Our shadow self has been with us since our childhood, and yet few us know that part of ourselves.

This part of ourselves doesn’t go away with scolding or neglect, because that’s what gives it its power. The shadow self is the closet, the trap door where we store all our repressed thoughts and feelings.

Here we chucked our assertiveness and sexuality as children when we were told it was bad to keep on asking for what we wanted, and naughty to be curious about our bodies. This is where we put our self-reliance and justifiable anger when we were taught that someone else was going to take care of us if we just did what we were told, didn’t complain or fight back, even if we were abused.

In the spiritual allegory, “Make Room for the Dark Child: The path of befriending the shadow self,” we learn from the classroom teacher that even young children can be taught how to befriend their shadow self.

No matter how old we are or how long we live, our shadow self is a natural component of our psychological makeup. The more we understand it and make friends with it, the more we harness its power and transmute its energy into healing and wholeness.

As adults, there is a time and place for sexual curiosity, arousal, and passionate romancing. As adults, there are appropriate situations for assertiveness and self-reliance. And for anyone in an abusive relationship, there are safe people to help you get out of that emotional and physical slavery.

Here are some ways to befriend your shadow self and own more of your power:

• Whatever, whoever triggers you, be mindful of what you are feeling and make a short, quick list. Examples: angry, frustrated, etc. You do not have to suppress those negative feelings but you do need to know what they are in order to handle them.

• Write out a short and quick note describing each feeling. Example: I am angry with him because he’s not paying attention to me. I am frustrated with them because no one picks up the phone when I call.

• Reclaim your power of awareness with checking in on your ego and see if you have identified with anyone (Example: If you’re angry with the person whose not paying attention to you, your ego could be “owning” or “identifying” with that person as if you owned him or her. Your ego stakes a claim on people and things. And then your ego gets upset when your stuff is stolen or your friends are getting attention from others.).

Is someone no longer acting like your friend or your spouse? Was something of yours stolen or damaged? Remember that what you have, or own, or do, is not who you are. Come into that place of awareness where you are always whole and complete, and never diminished by any of the people or things in your life, no matter what they do or what happens to them.

• Be gentle with yourself. Consider going into a quiet place for a few minutes where you can get centered and grounded. Imagine that your shadow self is standing or sitting there with you. Say to this part of you, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” See these words bring relief to your shadow self and ease any tension or stress you are feeling.

Try one or more of these techniques and see how this works for you. I’d love to hear from you. Please drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

(For a 6-step discovery process in meeting and working with your shadow self, check out the exercise after chapter 9 in Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker.)

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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Some others become experts in wildlife and habitat issues.

You’ll find them volunteering to be tutors for struggling students.

They’re learning china painting and making porcelain collector dolls. They’re turning bowls on a lathe and weaving baskets.

They are giving each of us a priceless lesson – grow your Inner Child.

“Your Inner Child is your birth right, a treasure inside of you, and needs to be protected and savored all through life.” (Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker)

Your Inner Child is your innocence and joy, freedom and creativity. Your Inner Child is the part of you that loved life and couldn’t wait to see what each new day would bring.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we were told to grow up and get with it in such a way that we stopped growing our Inner Child. Sometime ago, we put aside our pencils and stopped writing poetry. We put all the crayons in the box and never drew another picture. Our struggling genius was not appreciated and we didn’t practice music or dance anymore.

As our retired teachers show us, it’s never too late to get in touch with your secret desires and your passionate dreams. Here are few ways to get started:

1. Remember what it’s like to play. Observe children in a world of their own. Notice how involved they are and oblivious to what anyone else is going to think or say about what they are doing.

2. Remember what you loved to do as a child. Were you the one bandaging up all the pets in the neighborhood? Were you the chef with make-believe food and special orders for all your friends? Were you in finger-paints up to your elbows? Were you riding the wild horses out on the Great Plains?

3. Connect with your memories. As you remember your childhood play times, what still makes your heart race? What are you still passionate about right now? What have you always wanted to be or do if only you had the time and the money?

4. Take the first step. Every journey begins with the first step. Look up information on the internet to see where you could be trained to be a wildlife rehabilitator or an assistant at the local animal clinic. Find the nearest tech institute with cooking or art classes. Consider a vacation on a ranch out west.

You get the idea! Put the fun back into your life! No matter what age you are, your Inner Child can always use some growing time!

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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No wonder you come home tired, weary, and just plain worn out. You’ve been depleted by energy vampires!

Imagine that inside your heart space is a huge electrical outlet. Imagine that there are cords plugged into your outlet. Look more closely and notice they all have labels on them.

Some are the names of the people you met today who pushed your buttons, wasted your time, and in any way triggered that weary and frustrated feeling in you.

Some are the names of the things on your “to do list” that didn’t get done today! And there are also the projects and jobs that you can’t even bring yourself to look at.

That’s how energy vampires work – they plug into your energy field and suck up all your vitality.

And here’s how you unplug them!

• Imagine that you see the cords plugged into your heart space.

• See yourself reach in, unplug them one by one, and throw them away.

• Take a deep breath in and fill up all the emptiness inside of you with love, energy, and joy.

• Now reach into your heart space and put a cover over your outlets.

• Feel yourself energized and eager to get on with your life!

Do this little exercise every evening. Recharge yourself and have a good night’s sleep. Know that Divine Source has a limitless supply of love, energy, and joy for everyone to have all they need. So when you get yours, ask for and send out a generous supply to everyone in your life.

For another energy recharge exercise, see the suggestions at the end of chapter 7 in Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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“I’ve never been drained to the last drop. It’s a strange, hollow feeling to be so empty.” (Chapter 6 in Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker)

In the spiritual allegory, “Three Barrels of Wine: The path of good self-care,” there are several metaphors for how each of us can keep from getting emptied out.

• We’re invited to keep ourselves grounded and balanced with the “sights and sounds of everything in the heavens and on the earth.”

• We’re encouraged to see everything in perspective and not to lose sight of the big picture.

• We become aware that there is a Higher Power at work in everyone’s life and everyone’s hour of need.

• We’re reminded to know our own needs and to ask for help before we run dry.

• We’re assured we will be heard and answered. Our most mundane struggles and challenges can offer us our most powerful transformation.

And just like the three barrels in the story, some of us are not asked “to make music nor to lead the dancing.” For still others, ours is “not the task of cooking the finest feast or greeting all the guests.” For many of us, our job is to hold the water of our human experience open to be blessed and transformed by the Divine into the sacred wine of compassionate listening, giving, and sharing.

And as every cupful is dipped out, to ask for help to fill us to the brim again.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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As the story continues, we find out that “there were no doors in the doorways and no windows in the window frames. There were many stairways and many more entrances, but no locks and no keys. There were no fences, no gates, and no guards. Well, what was this for such a fine place?” (excerpts from Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker)

This was a place to call home. Here a wandering soul could finally belong. There were no pecking orders, no judgments over past mistakes, no expectations to prove yourself. The owner of this magnificent homestead was simply called the Father. He refused no one, turned no one down. Every one was welcome.

Part of us believes it’s true. Part of us remembers we belong to an eternal soul family. We are more than a human race on this planet – we are all one spiritual family living in the human condition.

Consider these three steps to finding your place in your spiritual family:
• Who are the wonderful people in your life helping you on your journey? Who makes you feel welcome? Who gives you the right information and help when you need it? How do you show appreciation to them?
• What are you doing to create a more welcoming atmosphere in your home for family, friends, and visitors?
• What opportunities do you have at work to be gracious and offer hospitality to your fellow employees, clients or visitors?

It’s so much bigger than ourselves. Look around and become aware. Begin with gratitude for the family and friends you already have. Then reach out and find your spiritual brothers and sisters in your neighborhood and city. When you are ready, become part of a larger outreach effort somewhere in your own country. Or join a mission trip to foreign countries.

Whoever you meet, as many lives as you touch, they will all remember you in their hearts. Imagine the welcome you will have when you leave this human condition and return to your spiritual home.

Janice M. Puta
Author of Pathways: Tales for the Spiritual Seeker
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