My Everyday Mystic by Jan Puta: blog for the soul

Most of us get triggered, but very few of us know why our buttons are getting pushed, and reactivity scores another victim.

It happened to me on a Saturday afternoon in early summer. I set out for my usual walk down a country lane. I asked my partner to watch the weather, as it was overcast, and I don’t like getting wet. He said he’d get in the car and come and get me the minute it started to sprinkle.

The sprinkles came and he didn’t. The rain came and he didn’t. On the way back home, drenched and shivering, there were thousands of things going on in my mind! The pressure inside of me was boiling like a volcano ready to blow.

The confrontation we had was fueled with my suppressed feelings of betrayal, abandonment, loss and grief. My response was totally out of proportion to the situation.

I didn’t know that this was what reactivity was all about. The first drop of rain and no sign of his car in sight were my triggers. No one pushed my buttons – I allowed my ego to use me, abuse me, and to twist the circumstances around to get me to play the victim. And the more time and energy I put into my reactivity, my defending my victim position, the deeper I went into negative thoughts and feelings. The more time and energy I put into my reactivity, the stronger my ego got.

That’s how reactivity works. It always takes you down with it. It always feed your ego. It separates and divides – someone gets to be a winner and someone has to be a loser.

I’m the one who ended up getting stressed out, worn out, and feeling like crap. And anything that happened to me years ago as a child or teen or adult – in this life or a past life – lo and behold, all that discordant energy from those experiences showed up to support my ego, and to rally its cause of making me feel like the #1 victim all over again.

So, don’t go there. Don’t even get started. The moment you realize you are reacting, you can turn this around in zero time! Breath! Then tell yourself, “There goes that ego again!”
Breathe. Look at what you are feeling and let it go – relax and let the tension out. Don’t accuse yourself and don’t blame yourself. Simply look, be aware, call it what it is, and let it go. As soon as your ego knows you are on to it, it crawls back into its hole.

If your heart is racing and your blood pressure is climbing, here is how you can reset your body and stop burning out your adrenals. Inhale to the count of 3 or 4 – whatever is comfortable for you. Hold that breath for the count of 3 or 4, and then release it to the count of 3 or 4. Repeat that process two more times.

Your focus on your breathing will also stop the angry thoughts racing through your mind. You’ll be able to think rationally again, to speak quietly or not at all, and to take reasonable actions or walk away.

It’s really about control. And it’s about either you having the control over yourself and your life, or giving your control over to your ego. It’s not about anybody or anything else – only they don’t know that.

These are some of the things I talk about and work on with my students and clients. Try these suggestions out for yourself and let me know what results you have. And if you want to have your own free 20-minute session to see how I can help you, email me at mail4619-fdl@yahoo.com with the subject: Let’s Talk for 20 Minutes!

We’ll get together on the phone, we’ll talk, you’ll feel good, and your life will change.

If you have some special ways to help yourself when you get triggered, let us know what they are. Drop a line in the response box below (or click on the comment link in Facebook) and share your thoughts with us.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Janice M. Puta
Certified Teacher in Spiritual Response Technique
Helping you get a life you love to live!
For classes and personal energy clearing sessions: mail4619-fdl@yahoo.com